The Funny Misheard Lyrics thread

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Spectrum
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The Funny Misheard Lyrics thread

#1 Post by Spectrum » 29 Mar 2008 20:59

Yo, dudes.

I haven't posted in a while. But I've gotten a few ideas, and so I decided to start a new "funny misheard lyrics" thread.

Feel free to comment or add new ones. (But don't just post a link to an older thread of this type. That's dumb.)

Here are some that I, at least, think are funny:

Nightwish - Beauty and the Beast
"However cold the wind and rain,
I'll be there to piss on your grave."
("I'll be there to ease up your pain.")


Nightwish - Angels Fall First
"Today a movie brightens my bath."
("Today a moonbeam brightens my path.")


Limbonic Art - In Abhorrence Dementia
"The soil in a man's heart is stonier.
In stench of rotten Sauerkraut,
the obedient fall into cruelty..."
("... in stench of rot and sour ground."
That's pretty close, IMO.)


Luca Turilli - Timeless Oceans
"Cold darkness reigns on all,
it reigns in Arkansas..."
("... it reigns in Arkan's soul."
The idea of "cold darkness" being the governor of Arkansas is funny, tho...)


Nile - Lashed to the Slave Stick
"Far up your abominable ass
you shall be lashed to the slave stick."
("For your abominable acts..."
The funny part is that this sounds almost like something Nile might actually write)
- Spectrum
Some guy from [url=http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0360.html]the Order of the Stick[/url] wrote:Did someone apply the "Half-Moron" template to your base creature?

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#2 Post by Beyond the Helms of Death » 29 Mar 2008 22:36

Spontaneously, I'd say:

Virgin Steele - Twilight of the Gods

"Like a Rainbow of Fire,
My ass gleams in the sun
Blinding my enemies when the battle's begun"
(It's supposed to be "axe" rather than ass).

The "Blinding my enemies when the battle's begun" is what kills me everytime.

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#3 Post by Joost » 29 Mar 2008 23:12

"Paul Di'Anno, Paul Di'Anno, Paul Di'Anno, I'm not afraid"
original: "Pull me under, pull me under, pull me under, I'm not afraid"

(Dream Theater, Pull Me Under)
You charge each other for the time and breath it takes to say 'good morning',
But the truth is slowly dawning -- things are getting out of hand,
We all pursue our shattered dreams along the roads to our own ruin --
Watch our empires sink and wash away like castles made of sand.
And so cast off the lies that are your lives and find the truth within.
-- Martin Walkyier

Also, Balrogs have wings.

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#4 Post by teo_guardian » 30 Mar 2008 04:35

"the funeral of farts and a beef for my scene"
(the funeral of hearts and a plea for mercy)
HIM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwJOrE-rS_A
they've done a pretty good job on this one

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#5 Post by teo_guardian » 30 Mar 2008 04:47

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc6qBnPu ... re=related

the first phrase is so funny!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
my god...i laughed so much.....hahaha...

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#6 Post by Dreamflight » 30 Mar 2008 14:17

Yeah Spec long time no see you around here dude.

Its getting down its getting right we are sitting in a chair
(Its gettin dark is getting light, we are sitting in a chair)

The Gathering (Liberty Bell)

And the gathering falls down...
(And again the rain falls down..)

The Gathering (In Motion II)

And can anyone guess this one?

"Saaaaaannnnnddd alone (sand alone, sand alone), you'll see the daaaaaaaaayyyy"
End Of An Era about bullfights wrote:like my mother used to say: "quit playing with your food!"

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#7 Post by zhakke » 30 Mar 2008 15:03

---------------------------

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#8 Post by The Rider Of Rohan » 31 Mar 2008 18:24

BG has a classic one in IFTOS: "did they all dye by my hair"

DT has a lot of great ones too:

Love is the first dancing turtle (love is the first dance eternal)
Strike up your best X-rated posture (angst-ridden posture)
Fuck this whore (thought disorder)
I was blinded by a pair of dice (blinded by a paradise)
I'd sooner take my life away than live with Lucy Liu (live with losing you)

Must be Canadian logic. 8)
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#9 Post by Spectrum » 31 Mar 2008 23:31

The Rider Of Rohan wrote:I was blinded by a pair of dice (blinded by a paradise)
I'd sooner take my life away than live with Lucy Liu (live with losing you)
Haha, these two are great. :D
- Spectrum
Some guy from [url=http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0360.html]the Order of the Stick[/url] wrote:Did someone apply the "Half-Moron" template to your base creature?

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#10 Post by Joost » 01 Apr 2008 11:32

Another DT one:

"This world is spinning in sodomy"
(original: "This world is spinning inside of me")

James LaBrie really's gotta do something about his articulation.
You charge each other for the time and breath it takes to say 'good morning',
But the truth is slowly dawning -- things are getting out of hand,
We all pursue our shattered dreams along the roads to our own ruin --
Watch our empires sink and wash away like castles made of sand.
And so cast off the lies that are your lives and find the truth within.
-- Martin Walkyier

Also, Balrogs have wings.

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#11 Post by Orodaran » 01 Apr 2008 11:46

but maybe some are deliberate... like in As I Am, I swear I can hear him singing "I wish I weren't so fat" instead that "I wish I weren't so fucked".
"There's a time when a man needs to fight and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny's lost, the ship has sailed and that only a fool will continue. The truth is I've always been a fool"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A slight call afar is tempting me, like a whisper sweet or an awful scream; I cannot ignore what I've always been, I'm leaving again - one last time? in my little kingdom I can be what I really wanted to be... The wanderer

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#12 Post by ThePKH » 01 Apr 2008 13:03

"And my wounded cunt so deep" (And my wound it cuts so deep)
-Nightwish - End of all Hope
I still am the terror that flaps in the night!

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#13 Post by Luna.Dome » 01 Apr 2008 19:44

Why not ;)

The Fate of assholes
Lies deep in the dark

;)
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#14 Post by endlessfreak » 01 Apr 2008 20:05

Gimli wrote:Why not ;)

The Fate of assholes
Lies deep in the dark

;)
... when time stands still at the toilet hill


:D :D :D
Freak stays Freak, no matter what the future brings ;)

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#15 Post by Sentinel » 02 Apr 2008 08:29

"The architect is falling down on me."

BG - Dead Sound Of Misery
Free are those who walk away from setting suns
Free are those who laugh at chains that held them bound
Free are those who conquer in vain but won't stop to run
Battered and down you pick up your pieces
To rise as one!

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#16 Post by Led Guardian » 02 Apr 2008 21:07

D&W- "Blood On My Hands":

Me: "By the ancient spirits rise/ The old ghost will claim their eyes"
Actual: "By the ancient spirits' rites/ The old ghosts proclaim their rights"
'Nowhere has this renunciation of man's transience been more joyous or uplifting than in the medium of airport carpets.'

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#17 Post by Tanelorn » 08 Apr 2008 17:06

Megadeth - United Abominations
Me : "Poverty in their kitchens, held hostage by oil baboons"
Actual : "Poverty in their kitchens, held hostage by oil-for-food"
Not now...

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#18 Post by Spectrum » 04 Oct 2008 01:47

I've noticed some more, so I am going to necropost.

Iced Earth - Ten Thousand Strong
"East in the mountains the chosen bite their tongue."
("East in the mountains the chosen bide their time.")

Ihsahn - Misanthrope
"Now lift your cock in celebration."
("Now lift your cup in celebration.")

Ihsahn - Misanthrope (again)
"I choose your intestines as my portion."
("I choose your injustice as my portion.")
(My version made more sense, IMO. :P)
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#19 Post by Orodaran » 04 Oct 2008 20:29

I forgot to add back then:

Symphony X - Eve of Seduction
Actual lyrics: "Go spread your wings and fly, shed no tears"
What I hear: "Go spread your wings and flashing your tits"
"There's a time when a man needs to fight and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny's lost, the ship has sailed and that only a fool will continue. The truth is I've always been a fool"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A slight call afar is tempting me, like a whisper sweet or an awful scream; I cannot ignore what I've always been, I'm leaving again - one last time? in my little kingdom I can be what I really wanted to be... The wanderer

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#20 Post by Spectrum » 07 Oct 2008 14:57

Orodaran wrote:I forgot to add back then:

Symphony X - Eve of Seduction
Actual lyrics: "Go spread your wings and fly, shed no tears"
What I hear: "Go spread your wings and flashing your tits"
Haha, good one. :D
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#21 Post by rdyfrde » 07 Oct 2008 18:05

It's in my signature line but I'll post it here as well:

Keeper of the Seven Keys by Helloween
"And the seer of fish heads said before he went blind"
("And the seer of visions said before he went blind")

I swear that Michael sings that line. Though ironically when Andi sings it, it sounds closer to "visions". Go figure :)
"And the seer of fish heads said before he went blind"

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#22 Post by Sorrowmoon » 07 Oct 2008 21:37

Joost wrote:"Paul Di'Anno, Paul Di'Anno, Paul Di'Anno, I'm not afraid"
original: "Pull me under, pull me under, pull me under, I'm not afraid"

(Dream Theater, Pull Me Under)
This is great. :lol:

BG - Punishment Divine
"Are you ready to sing are you ready to sing..."
("Angels sing I hear angels sing..." etc.)


Dream Theater - Another Day
"If you're searching for a silenced guy, you won't find it here"
("If you're searching for a silent sky, you won't find it here")
Pahinta on pelätä, että alkaisi pelätä.

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#23 Post by Spectrum » 31 Oct 2008 00:12

Here's another I noticed recently:

Nocturnal Rites - Strong Enough

"Tried to mold, shape and make me.
On my back, like a bat or two."
("On my back, like a bad tattoo.")

Meh. My version doesn't make much less sense...
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#24 Post by Sorrowmoon » 02 Nov 2008 11:21

Avantasia - The Story Ain't Over

"He'd known it won't last forever
She'd grown her head for a while"
("She'd go ahead for a while")
Pahinta on pelätä, että alkaisi pelätä.

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#25 Post by Joost » 02 Nov 2008 12:25

There's a song by Areknamés (Season of Death, I believe), where I always hear

"I send my sperm to the bank of the dead."

I have no idea what is being sung in reality...
You charge each other for the time and breath it takes to say 'good morning',
But the truth is slowly dawning -- things are getting out of hand,
We all pursue our shattered dreams along the roads to our own ruin --
Watch our empires sink and wash away like castles made of sand.
And so cast off the lies that are your lives and find the truth within.
-- Martin Walkyier

Also, Balrogs have wings.

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#26 Post by Warg Rider » 03 Nov 2008 17:13

BG - When Sorrow sang

When Sauron sang softly and sweet
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by frost.


It is just that heavy metal musicians write in minor keys, and when you do that, you frighten people.
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#27 Post by Spectrum » 04 Nov 2008 23:14

Warg Rider wrote:BG - When Sorrow sang

When Sauron sang softly and sweet
Hehe, that's pretty funny. :)
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#28 Post by Yooden » 11 Nov 2008 11:15

During rehearsals my friend and guitarist of our band came up to me laughing. "Just got to read the chorus on one of your songs"

One line of the chorus goes " the horizon´s burning"
he had heard "spartans rising"

And he thought I´ve written a song about spartans for an metalcore-band.

we laughed and had a beer. :D

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#29 Post by eolas » 11 Nov 2008 22:47

It's not a metal song but I couldn't find the true topic.

Runnig Wild by Tindersticks:
"Running wild, two young men and a king; sleep tonight." (It was the misheard of course:)
"Running wild through my mind that i can’t sleep tonight."
You're not dreaming but in a dream...

We're only at home when we're on the run!

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#30 Post by Spectrum » 26 Nov 2008 00:16

Iron Maiden - Rime of the Ancient Mariner
"And the ship sails on, back to the North,
through the fucking ice and the albatross follows on."
("through the fog and ice...")
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#31 Post by Spectrum » 27 Nov 2008 20:16

Knightrider of Doom wrote:Iced Earth - Stormrider
"I can feel... the storm... approaching... the penis is reality"
ROFL, great one. :D

Devil Doll - The Sacrilege of Fatal Arms
"Glittering crystals,
glittering of vaginal illusions."
("... virginal illusions.")

EDIT: And one more...

Grave Digger - The Grave Digger
"Six feet under, I'm still alive.
Six feet under for my pair of dice."
("... for my paradise.")

Actually, you can substitute "pair of dice" for "paradise" in just about any context. :)
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#32 Post by Spectrum » 05 Jan 2009 16:52

One more:

Blind Guardian - Banish From Sanctuary

"Your Reich should come to this world.
Your waist moves by my blood, friend..."
("Your way smoothed by my blood...")

Sounds like some kinky and disturbing sex act... :D
- Spectrum
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#33 Post by eolas » 05 Jan 2009 17:10

A past and a future secret

My song of the end...

Bard's song of the elves...
You're not dreaming but in a dream...

We're only at home when we're on the run!

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#34 Post by Dentarthurdent » 05 Jan 2009 18:12

Spectrum wrote:Actually, you can substitute "pair of dice" for "paradise" in just about any context. :)
And she's buying a stairway for a pair of dice?
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#35 Post by eolas » 05 Jan 2009 18:56

To drink to milk of pair of dice? (Actually Geddy tells paradise just like pair o' dice, it's a great misheard lyric:D)
You're not dreaming but in a dream...

We're only at home when we're on the run!

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#36 Post by Strahd » 05 Jan 2009 19:38

Edguy - Dragonfly

OT - Or the dance on the rainbow itself
My version - Or the dance on the rainbow witch elf
Now Listening To: Evergrey - Glorious Collision
Now Reading: Graham McNeil - Mechanicum
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#37 Post by Spectrum » 17 Jan 2009 19:16

eolas wrote:A past and a future secret

My song of the end...

Bard's song of the elves...
This one is funny because a priori it might very well be the actual lyrics. :)

Iced Earth - Behold the Wicked Child
"In sacred flames it congregates,
the ancient rage and priest.
Losing the penis at best."
("Fusing the fetus and beast")

Damn. If "losing the penis" is "at best", then I don't want to hear about the "worst". And the combination with "priest" makes me think of the movie "Men in Tights", with the rabbi and his nasty circumcision technique...
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#38 Post by Spectrum » 30 Jan 2009 02:50

Persuader - Twisted Eyes

"No one shall tape the thing that's me."
("No one shall take...")

A protest against the increasing surveillance in our modern society, maybe? :)
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#39 Post by Dentarthurdent » 30 Jan 2009 21:22

Blind Guardian's Ashes to Ashes, the last line.

We all know, it goes "Hallowed be the game"

But I keep understanding "Halloween again"
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#40 Post by Psycho69 » 31 Jan 2009 06:15

same here.
Btw, I´ve lost the game.
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#41 Post by Naurbereth » 31 Jan 2009 14:17

I still hear : "Hard porn" in Nightwish- wishmaster


:oops:
Carved in the stones lies my tribute to universe

my words speak in vain for a silent poetry

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#42 Post by Slaya » 31 Jan 2009 14:28

Naurbereth wrote:I still hear : "Hard porn" in Nightwish- wishmaster


:oops:
Yeah, when I first heard Anette singing it, I STILL heard all the misheard lyrics... :lol:

Another great misheard lyrics video :

Dub Buk - Lisowa Pijwa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRl_Irt7Ce4
Where the lazure skies tear the hearts apart
And as leaden ice they remain deep inside your eyes
Where the morning burns starlight ashes to dust
All my songs I´ve thrown to the seven winds

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#43 Post by Dentarthurdent » 31 Jan 2009 16:10

Naurbereth wrote:I still hear : "Hard porn" in Nightwish- wishmaster


:oops:
I still hear Steven Seagul (or however he's supposed to be spelled)
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#44 Post by eolas » 31 Jan 2009 16:22

Bring me the fish master!
You're not dreaming but in a dream...

We're only at home when we're on the run!

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#45 Post by Dentarthurdent » 31 Jan 2009 21:47

oh yeah, and from Sonata Arctica's Full Moon:

"a hundred boobs ore more" ("A hundred moons or more")
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#46 Post by Metal Fan » 01 Feb 2009 20:48

Bright Eyes

"betrayed by sunrise"

but I hear betrayed by surprise
⋨The Dagor Dagorath, the great final battle at which the forces of the brothers Manwë and Melkor will face one another, and Arda will be unmade.⋩
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#47 Post by Spectrum » 02 Feb 2009 16:54

Dentarthurdent wrote:oh yeah, and from Sonata Arctica's Full Moon:

"a hundred boobs ore more" ("A hundred moons or more")
LOL, a hundred boobs. Sounds like some creature from a freaky hentai. :D
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#48 Post by Spectrum » 04 Feb 2009 00:44

Virgin Steele - Through the Ring of Fire
"Justice is found where the brown seagulls reign."
("... where the proud eagles reign.")

My version sounds a bit less dramatic...
- Spectrum
Some guy from [url=http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0360.html]the Order of the Stick[/url] wrote:Did someone apply the "Half-Moron" template to your base creature?

BlackGuardian
Posts: 14
Joined: 11 Feb 2009 06:23
Location: Alabama (**shudder**)

#49 Post by BlackGuardian » 13 Feb 2009 20:57

Helloween - Halloween

actual: "I'll show you passion and glory"
I hear: "I'll show you passion in you every hand"

actual: "I'll give you power and abundance"
I hear: "I'll give you power and a black ants"

Led Guardian
Posts: 2429
Joined: 26 Mar 2008 21:08
Location: Somewhere less cliché than far beyond

#50 Post by Led Guardian » 13 Feb 2009 22:31

BlackGuardian wrote:Helloween - Halloween

actual: "I'll show you passion and glory"
I hear: "I'll show you passion in you every hand"
How in all the hells do you get *that* out of glory?! :lol:
'Nowhere has this renunciation of man's transience been more joyous or uplifting than in the medium of airport carpets.'

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